Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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