he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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