Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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