meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
