I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
