She is in my trunk
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize