so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
