Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
