I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
