I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
