My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
soo... how was my night?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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