the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
