Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
