herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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