I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
