Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
