i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
