Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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