Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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