it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
