And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
