I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
