is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
