I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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