when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
