I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize