sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
