just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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