My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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