Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
