note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize