In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize