apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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