my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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