I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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