Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
