How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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