It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
