Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
false alarm. still invincible.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
