Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
