yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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