Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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