I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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