i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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