Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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