On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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