I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
