so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
