i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
