I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
True college students do jello shots in the library
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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