my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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