Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think people are normalizing furries
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
