o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize