Jerry, you need to find god
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
