I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize