Got a toothbrush?
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
