please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize