I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The struggles of a small town man whore
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
