from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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