I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You were trust falling into bushes
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
