I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
