his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If I die, sorry about rent.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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