this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
