were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
