What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
