I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
