i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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