Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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