just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
