Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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