I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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