So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
