i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
