you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
