I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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