Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
