i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize