I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
